i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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