he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
