And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We got so high we made milksteak
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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