I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
