Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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