I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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