It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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