she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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