When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
