please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
