he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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