I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
vagina is talking i cant
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
