I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
