sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
