Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
