ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dicks are not precious.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
