Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
