I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
