The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
