there's paper in my vomit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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