we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
