i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
