i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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