Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
