I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
