Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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