Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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