so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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