so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
