Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They took my balls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
