Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
