im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
