"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
wow bdsm is so cute
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
