Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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