if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
