Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
