I want to have your abortion
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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