My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
