He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
