I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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