Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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