my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
