hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
