You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i believe in u and ur pee
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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