saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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