Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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