Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
