Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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