and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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