sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
