the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
