I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
