at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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