do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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