my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
