the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
