I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
