There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
