You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
