TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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