it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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