I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
