I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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