Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
