are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
More tranny stories later!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
