I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize