Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
