fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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