There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
