Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
